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. we do nothing as she expires.
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| purple rain |
[24 Jun 2009|05:38pm] |
Its to knowing that i can feel this good alone its to looking forward and not giving a fuck whats next
vegas two weekends in a row i thought would kill me but did not
Sd this weekend for ATB and mini Vacation
Going the the bay area to see digweed play a 6 hour set
Going to Miami beach
GOing to Kentucky
Going to san diego when im not anywhere else
Going to costa rica
Half way to taking my RE.L
having the best job ever
I Can honestly say i have never felt this alive this happy or blessed ever in my life.
There was a day
You threw our love away
Then you passed it to someone new
You wanna stay
But since you wanna play
We can finally say we're through
You can scream there's just echoes
Pass outside of your window
You'll be sad that you let me go
I'll leave but just know
As i lay in solitude
Oh what's a boy supposed to do
I shake the very thought of you
Me together, i remember
Late nights when i stayed up late
All i do is wait and wait
You're never coming home to me
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( my attention)
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| the mirror is cloudy |
[02 Feb 2009|07:49am] |
| [ |
mood |
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BAKED |
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music |
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Avb |
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I guess if i find any cliarty in this is, knowing with a heavy heart that things that are for the better even if they do not feel so at first. I guess that makes sense. I guess it really is for the better because Forever is never ever land in my world. things are fucked up but its not the first time, it wont be the last i know if its full circle it will come around but it's just time to do what i need like me starting my job on weds!! and night classes to follow. At least i have coachella to look forward to, my family and best friends, my trip to kentucky and san fran, and well myself. Talked to my brother for an hour tonight he gaves me so much faith and strength that it is what it is, and that im just starting my life and wasting so much energy i should be placing on things that are wroth it , his sobriety means everything to me. having him here just fills voids that i have been missing, it feels good. Went to Pv Today to the tide pools's ruled. I cant help but to just breathe.
trouble understand shes got reasons he dont funny hjow you could not see it all until she grabbed up her coat shes been here to few years take in all in stride still its much to long to let her go, we allways say it would be good to go away someday
11:11 so maybe your my right before
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( 1 starved for my attention)
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| THE END |
[28 Nov 2008|10:20am] |
the world slows down but my heart beats faster right now
i iknow this is the part where it starts to end i cant take
it any longer thought that we were stronger all we do is linge4r
slipping through my fingers
i dont wanna try right now
all thats left is goodbye
i hate this part right here
i just cant take these tears
i hate this part right here
will we sleep once i tell you whats hurting me
i hate this part right here
i see the sunset in your eyes <3
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( my attention)
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| Funny how im nervous still |
[25 Nov 2008|09:54am] |
I wish i could feel indifferent from this birthday maybe a little bit of wisdom or is it just one of those things that never comes in time. Either way im sure today will be fucking awesome, I could not ask for anything more in life than my family having great health, I pretty much have everything i could ever want as a 21 year old besides my dad not being here. now its all down hill from here... NOT . 20 was a bull shit year kinda so I hope good things are to come, Goodbye fake id's, good bye lying about my age, goodbye having friends buy me booze, And yes hopefully stop smoking
hello Gin and tonics, slot machines, maybe taking up poker, tequilla and lime juice, strip clubs Hollywood, vegas, kentucky, san fransico, seattle, .....
Happy earlybirthday disa i love you old man!
Theres so much ahead theres so much regret i Know what you want to say I know that i can help feeling differently i loved you i should of said it just tell me what has that ever meant i cant help baby this is who I am
estimation of barfing tonight : UNKNNOWN
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( 1 starved for my attention)
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| keep it cool |
[16 Nov 2008|08:19pm] |
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if i were a boy i would turn off my phone tell everyone its broken so they would think i was sleeping alone
cant wait for my birthday and vegas i want to sleep till next tuesday
borders saves my life so does knitting
Kentucky is soon then san fran
i love this record baby but i cant see straight anymore
im alright
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( my attention)
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| run away run away marry me marry me |
[12 Nov 2008|01:48pm] |
Somewhere in between of this is where im going if you cant catch up i will leave you behind sort of thing
winter 08 highheels short dreeses tights only
my brother
some other people
starting birthday celebration tonight even though i have had a fake id for what seems like a while now
missing still kissing
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( my attention)
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| Wish list |
[04 Nov 2008|01:28pm] |
- Twister
- Purple TUTU
- New little Wayne CD
- Dinner at vegan joint
- Tickets to counting crows / mgmt
- Daisy perfume
- Diamond ring not from a cracker jack box ;-)
- Runaway train that will never come back
- Pink Wig
- books
- you
- stripper pole in my room
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( my attention)
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| 666 |
[31 Oct 2008|02:11pm] |
forget what i said your only good in bed and better on your kness
I lOve Dressing UP
I love dressing Down
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( my attention)
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| Cant you still feel the butterflys |
[29 Oct 2008|12:51pm] |
|
Yesterday I just had to get away even if it was 45 miles south to the arms of someone who understands every pathetic thought in my head its nice to escape this town just for a day cigarettes and coffee and spill canvas got me through functioning off of no sleep. I went up to see chase and he cut my hair for free wooo. i smoked a bleazy and finsihed my book last night while sitting on my roof . My 21st birthday is just days away, It will be my first birthday without A boyfriend since i was like 16 thats kinda weird, but at the same time its the first birthday since i was 16 that my brother will be a part of and thats all that matters. Im currently knitting a bunch of stuff to take to USC children center for cancer for christmas, i have like 5 scarfs, 2 beanies, 4 pairs of gloves so much more work to do. Im going to jump out of a plane again for my birthday I cant wait not to mention the group im going with will be retarded fun, dinner in beverly hills then off to vegas. I wonder how much trouble i can get myself in :-X. I need to get bella something for her birthday, im excited to see all john's family its been awhile, hopefully my brother will still go with me. If only you could see what i see you would be pefrect for each other and never need another I have really pulled my self so far Im happy and I have just myself to thank. Time to go for a run then train this damn poodle. Long beach tonight woooo I cant wait till saturday of course <3 I hope beau is having an awesome time. 
i want to taste you one more time again
all im asking for is love but you never seeem to have enough
gotta feel you in my bones again
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( my attention)
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| bad habit.... |
[24 Oct 2008|11:18am] |
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The trouble understand, is she got reasons he don't
Funny how he couldn't see at all, 'til she grabbed up her coat
And she goes, she's been here too few years to take it all in stride
But still it's much too long, to let hurt go (you let her go)
And we always say, it would be good to go away, someday
- my dog completes me
- I want something different
- I kinda let myself go and now im feeling better than ever using my juicer everyday
- my girls won their first game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Tofurkey and gravy time soon!
- Im baking a vegan truffle cake MMMM
- I miss taking a vacations like the kaui one i need a get away
- I keep telling myself this is for the better and im starting to almost believe it
- Saturday <33333333333333
- i still feel sorry for you
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( my attention)
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| CatipillArs |
[16 Oct 2008|11:57am] |
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The feeling I got from my dads letter was so indescribable. It made me feel so warm inside i never want the feeling to leave me. I still have so many left over emotions From him so many empty spotsver that in my mind and heart. I know now more than e you everywhere with me. I can get through emotional mountains by myself. I never realized how important being Independt Is till now When i fall i will only have myself to blame. Im really learning to love every quality about myself even the bad parts. That was deeeeep. Santa Barabra got moved till next week I was all set to go but oh well. This weather is weird i just want it to be cold already. My girls have their first game this weekend super excited. Saturday will be tons of fun. I never knew the difference between comfort and love now im learning. Im living a life of finally being free My dad wrote in the letter about always fighting and striving for something or someone you love and to never let it go and how he wished he could be here to approve of any guy but knowing no one would ever be good enough. Fuck it was really cute. Time to go to hospice and get hopefully get more tattoo's. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ONE MONTH AND 9 DAYS TILL MY BIRTHDAY i wonder what i will wish for :-)
Do i have to spell it out for you scream it in your face the chemistry between us could destroy this place
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( my attention)
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| Love always remains |
[01 Oct 2008|09:38am] |
Sometimes i feel like i could go insane any second. The other day beau and i were at the beach smoking a bowl and he was talking about an instant moment or occurrence that connect with people you loved who have passed away, and I started to think about how i always wished something really special would happened like that would happen with my dad. So i could feel like hes right here next to me, but nothing like that has ever happend i wonder if im just not looking closely enough but sometimes i wish you would just let me know Its all okay. Sometimes its hard not to feel so lost, . I will always just have this huge void inside of me. Now I have two huge voids. Since friday i have not slept well I have shitty dreams and wake up in my stupid empty bed or in the kitchen topless hahah with no one to call when i get scared, except beau to tell me to stop being a pussy and go to bed :). I just know that you had something to say and its bothering me not ever knowing what it could have been like it would even make a difference.I hope you know ill always be the one that you let get away cause your the biggest coward i know. the truth sucks sometimes. I cant wait to see my brother thank god for some clarity in my life. my outfit for monster is gonna be awesome. Im still fucking running away. Time to go to my pole dancing class
Its to close for comfort i need to get out and figure this shit out
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( 3 starved for my attention)
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| this is the end my only friend |
[30 Sep 2008|01:07pm] |
I thought i was alot stonger than that. Because when you openend the door yesterday my heart sank and my kness got uneasy.... almost in the similar way that you use to make me feel except this time its not in a good way. Its never easy to walk away from you but i wonder how it felt to watch me walk away knowing im not coming back. I know your confused and unsure of who you are and where your going but just follow your heart and you will get where you need to be. Things have a funny way of working out but i dont regret anything because i see things in a different light because of you. You will always hold a very special place in my heart no body will ever mean so much to me, I finally am letting go, letting you go. This means no more drunk dials my bad :-) I really hope you find what you need. I just hope you can be happy for me to!
This is because I can spell konfusion with a K
And I can like it
It's to dying in anothers arms
and why i had to try it
It's to jimmy eat world
and those nights in my car
when the first star you see
may not be a star
I'm not your star
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( 5 starved for my attention)
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| MeDicine |
[22 Sep 2008|10:17am] |
They say that your kiss is like a pill for every heartache you've got the cure thats why i put my trust in you everybody is looking for what they want everybody is looking for what they need gotta keep looking for what i want but i dont even know your name so i will call you medicine you can ease my pain i dont wanna feel the same tonight i need your medicine
medicine running through my veins
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( my attention)
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[05 Sep 2008|01:23pm] |
were both trying to sit and breath another dawn so my advice to you is when I say move on, just move on
digitalism in two weeks woooooooooooooo
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( my attention)
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| Breakups are a great diet |
[26 Aug 2008|02:18pm] |
I had an amazing day already.... I had a eye opening lunch with one of my moms client who works out of oc. She told me if i get my real estate licsense i can work under her cause she has over like 90 listings. FUCK YES. I'm still going to do school too im going to be so busy i will loose my mind. great less time to think of well you.
went to a bridal shower with my friend for his client at this huge manison and we were so out of hand and wrote a card... which stated dont do it on the envelope with everything else inside little did we know they would read it in front of everyone!!! today i had to first practice for the under privlaged girls soccer team that im coaching and it was super cool. now i need to go buy books and hit the gym. BABES
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( 1 starved for my attention)
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